Who will a Mostie award tonight?
Anna Goldfield | APM Studios
Raise a curtain. Cue the lights. It’s the most most-tacular night. It’s The Mosties! The Brains Brains On favorites, Bob, Gungador, Elevator and HARVEY have all made it out to celebrate superlatives.
The Mosties is an awards show of the extreme. Tonight’s categories include: Biggest Plant, Fastest Organism, Strongest Glue, Oldest Animal and Oldest Music. And don’t forget to stick around for a Mystery Mostie (aka Mystery Sound). And the winner is… ???
This is our last episode of this season but we’ll be back in August with more new episodes. Until then, Forever Ago is coming back June 1 and Smash Boom Best will be back July 7. Remember, you can listen to Moment of Um every weekday too! Plus, the Brains On books are always around to keep you company -- you can buy them at brainson.org/books
Audio Transcript
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WOMAN 1: You're listening to Brains On, where we're serious about being curious.
CHILD 1: Brains On is supported in part by a grant from the National Science Foundation.
[EMERGENCY BROADCAST ALARM]
MAN 1: We interrupt your regularly scheduled episode of Brains On to bring you the award show the world has been waiting for, the first annual Mosties! The atmosphere is electric here at the Brains On hall of chairs and curtains, as animals, materials, bodies of water, and other shining stars of the universe wait to see if they will be named the most! The red carpet is packed, and the crowd is abuzz wondering who will win the night's big awards like the fastest organism and the largest plant.
Dreams come true for some tonight. Who will win? How will the crowd react? Will the awards actually happen annually? Will I remember to wear shoes? Only time will tell. And that time is now.
[CHEERING]
[QUIRKY MUSIC]
MOLLY BLOOM: Welcome, everyone, to the first ever Mosties awards show, where we give awards to the most extreme things in the world. I'm your host, Molly Bloom, and with me is my charming co-host, Simone, from Portland, Oregon.
[APPLAUSE]
SIMONE: Hello. Happy to be here. The Mosties are all about celebrating superlatives. Superlative is the word for when something is the most in a category.
MOLLY BLOOM: Right, and we could have given awards for literally anything-- softest, squishiest, stinkiest, slimiest.
SIMONE: You just described the catering backstage.
[LAUGHTER]
MOLLY BLOOM: But we decided to let you, our fans, be the guide. So, as you heard, every category was selected by you.
[APPLAUSE]
SIMONE: It's great to see so many amazing superlatives in the crowd. Hi, Mount Everest. Heads up, you're not getting an award tonight. You've already peaked.
[LAUGHTER]
MOLLY BLOOM: And, of course, the deepest part of the ocean, Marianas Trench, you brought a date. Is that the Grand Canyon? Wow, a new low for you both.
[LAUGHTER]
Just kidding. You make a cute pair.
SIMONE: That's right. It's nice to see you dating someone with real depth.
[LAUGHTER]
MOLLY BLOOM: And over there, I see Bob, who is famously not extreme in any way. He's the most average.
SIMONE: Yeah, is there a category for mediumest?
[LAUGHTER]
BOB: That would be me.
MOLLY BLOOM: And, as always, there's Gungador, the shoutiest.
GUNGADOR: Ha, it me, Gungador.
MOLLY BLOOM: He's so loud, you can even hear his thoughts.
SIMONE: He whispers in all caps.
GUNGADOR: It true. I am loudest of all!
MOLLY BLOOM: It's very impressive, Gungador.
SIMONE: And, of course, we've got the sweetest in the house.
MOLLY BLOOM: Wait, Thaumatin is here? The protein known for adding extremely sweet flavors to foods?
SIMONE: No, I meant my mom. Hey, Mom, you're the best.
WOMAN 2: I love you, too, sweetie. You're doing great.
MOLLY BLOOM: Now, the thing about the Mosties is that it's not always cut and dry what the winner is. Like tastiest food. Is it pizza or cake?
SIMONE: Obviously, it's pizza cake.
MOLLY BLOOM: Or the most valuable. Does that mean valuable to you personally or in terms of sheer dollar value?
SIMONE: Again, I'm going to say pizza cake.
MOLLY BLOOM: But that's part of what makes the Mosties fun. We get to decide why one thing wins. But no matter who takes home a Mosties trophy, we all win because we get to learn cool facts about our amazing planet.
SIMONE: So stick around, enjoy the show, and if you have a recipe for pizza cake, seriously, please see me after the show.
[APPLAUSE]
MAN 2: (SINGING) Raise the curtain, cue the lights. It's the most most-tacular night. It's the Mosties. Oh, it's the Mosties. Grab your partner, spin around. Whoops, your keys fell onto the ground. Just leave them. You'll get them later.
We'll serve you some laughs, and also delight, and tons of surprise. Well serve you a drink and also hors d'oeuvres. Don't spill on your thighs. Grab your glass. Raise it up and get ready for fun. Let's make a toastie to the Mosties.
Yeah! Enjoy the show, everybody. We got a great one for you, all right.
[APPLAUSE]
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
SIMONE: Now, time for our first award of the evening, and it's a good one.
MOLLY BLOOM: This one comes from George.
GEORGE: My question is, what is the biggest plant?
MOLLY BLOOM: Here to present the award is Brains On producer Ruby Guthrie.
[APPLAUSE]
RUBY GUTHRIE: Hello, hello, hello. Wow, I'm so honored to be here presenting the first Mostie of the night, the biggest plant. We have some amazing nominees here. There's General Sherman, the world's largest living tree. Hailing from Northern California, this sequoia is 36 feet wide and stands at nearly 275 feet tall. That's about as tall as a 26-story building. And while this tremendous tree is somewhere between 2,300 and 2,700 years old, it's still growing today. You keep on kicking, don't you?
GENERAL SHERMAN: More like keep on photosynthesizing. Am I right?
[LAUGHTER]
RUBY GUTHRIE: Classic Sherman. Our next nominee comes to us from Indonesia. It's a parasite with no roots or leaves, yet it's the largest flower on Earth, Ruffleshia Arnoldy, also known as the stinking corpse lily. Measuring at 3 feet wide and weighing about 20 pounds, this flower has reddish-brown petals spotted with white dots just like salami. Mm. And let me tell you, these petals really pack a punch-- a pungent punch. Not only do these lilies give off the smell of rotting meat, but they also generate their own heat. All of this helps attract pollinators like flies.
RUFFLESHIA ARNOLDY: What can I say? I'm a flower who brings the heat.
RUBY GUTHRIE: The heat and the meat smell-- the meat smell. Ooh, that meat smell. Moving on, last but certainly not leaf-- or, rather, least, it's Pando from Utah. This giant grove of aspens is made up of 40,000 individual trees. However, they all stem from one singular seed. That's right, each tree has the exact same DNA. It's a colony of clones. Weighing in at a whopping 13 million pounds, Pando spans 106 acres. That's bigger than Disneyland.
PANDO: It's not a small world for Pando.
RUBY GUTHRIE: Wow, what a spectacular group of nominees. But there can only be one plantist with the mostest. And the Mostie for biggest plant goes to Pando!
[APPLAUSE]
PANDO: Wow, you like me. You really like me. It's such an honor to even be nominated. General Sherman, you inspire me to reach new heights. And, lily, your pedals make me want to try pepperoni, and I am vegan. Anyway, I'd like to thank the sun. I really couldn't have done this without you. Thank you.
[APPLAUSE]
(SINGING) Brains, brains, brains.
MOLLY BLOOM: Simone, did you know that I had to win a competition to host the Mosties?
SIMONE: Really? Was it hard?
MOLLY BLOOM: Yeah, I had to speed read a teleprompter, open an awards envelope in under five seconds, and hold a cheesy smile while strangers stared at me.
SIMONE: That sounds grueling. What was the competition called?
MOLLY BLOOM: The Hosties.
[LAUGHTER]
Our next category comes from Ari.
ARI: My question is, what is the fastest thing in the world?
SIMONE: To present the award, we've got quite the pair. One is a sugar-obsessed worm-fearing friend of the show, and the other is a talking elevator.
MOLLY BLOOM: It's Sanden Totten and the Brains On experimental go-anywhere elevator.
[APPLAUSE]
SANDEN TOTTEN: Wow, I'm so excited to be here. This is an honor, right, Elevator?
ELEVATOR: Man, nobody watches award shows anymore.
SANDEN TOTTEN: I mean, what a night-- the music, the jokes.
ELEVATOR: The best part is the commercials.
SANDEN TOTTEN: Anything could happen at an awards show.
ELEVATOR: People will just read about it tomorrow.
SANDEN TOTTEN: If I was going to win a Mostie, I can't tell if it would be for the funniest, handsomest, or coolest.
ELEVATOR: What about humblest?
SANDEN TOTTEN: That, too.
[LAUGHTER]
Anyway, what do you think you'd win, Elevator?
ELEVATOR: Most uplifting.
SANDEN TOTTEN: Huh. OK, I get it because you're an elevator and you go up, right?
ELEVATOR: No, because of my sparkling personality.
[LAUGHTER]
SANDEN TOTTEN: Right. Well, the next award was a tricky one. What is the fastest thing in the world?
ELEVATOR: Easy, light. Nothing is faster than light.
SANDEN TOTTEN: True, but we wanted to know, what's the fastest organism? So here are the nominees. The cheetah, the fastest land animal.
ELEVATOR: This spotted cat can run at speeds around 70 miles per hour in a short burst.
SANDEN TOTTEN: The peregrine falcon. Its top speed comes when it's diving down from the sky to snatch up an animal to eat.
ELEVATOR: The peregrine falcon can swoop at speeds of around 200 miles per hour. Whoa.
SANDEN TOTTEN: The Brazilian free-tailed bat. This is a flying mammal that boasts the fastest horizontal flying speed, as opposed to diving speed.
ELEVATOR: It's been known to zip around at 100 miles per hour.
SANDEN TOTTEN: And, finally, paratarsotomus macropalpis, a tiny mite found in Southern California. It's not the fastest speed-wise, but when you measure how many of its own body length it can travel in a second, it has all other beasts beat.
ELEVATOR: This mite can move 322 of its own body lengths in a second. The cheetah can only run around 16 body lengths in a second.
SANDEN TOTTEN: And the award goes to, oh, it's the peregrine falcon. Wow, come on up and get your-- ah, what was that? Hey, where did the award go?
ELEVATOR: Oh, looks like the falcon really is fast.
[APPLAUSE]
SANDEN TOTTEN: That was terrifying. Is anyone else breaking out into a cold sweat?
ELEVATOR: L- O- Elevator. You are so funny.
SANDEN TOTTEN: Well, that's all the time we have. I'm going to go hide under a couch. Ah!
ELEVATOR: I was wrong. This was fun.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
MOLLY BLOOM: This next category will really stick with you. It's from Evan and Adam.
EVAN AND ADAM: Our question is--
EVAN: --what is the strongest glue?
ADAM: We're looking for glue that is unbelievably sticky.
MOLLY BLOOM: Stickier than Spider-Man stuck to super glue.
EVAN: Stickier than a lollipop slapped on a fly trap.
SIMONE: Stickier than the hook from We Don't talk about Bruno no, no, no.
ADAM: And here to present the award is Brains On producer Anna Weggel, who can bench press her baby, dog, and husband at the same time.
MOLLY BLOOM: And a biomedical engineer with hot-pink hair and a deep affection for lava lamps, Danna Sheridan.
[APPLAUSE]
ANNA WEGGEL: Thank you. At some point in your life, you've probably enjoyed the use of a glue stick, perhaps for arts and crafts. For more advanced purposes, maybe you've used Elmer's glue or even, ah, super glue. But if anyone knows anything about the most impressive materials out there, it's an engineer who studies materials. Isn't that right, Danna?
DANNA SHERIDAN: It sure is, Anna.
ANNA WEGGEL: Danna Sheridan has a lifelong interest in adhesives. That means sticky things. And she's here to give out the award for the world's strongest glue. Take it away, Dannna.
DANNA SHERIDAN: And the award goes to monopox VE-403728.
[APPLAUSE]
ANNA WEGGEL: Oh, I knew it, fan favorite monopox VE-403728.
DANNA SHERIDAN: This epoxy is the strongest glue in the world rated by The Guinness Book of World Records for being able to hold 17.5 tons of weight in the air for over an hour. And how do we know that? Well, the company that makes it, Delo, used 3 grams of adhesive to glue a truck to a small cylinder that was just the size of a soda can. They loaded the truck up with extra weight totaling 17.5 tons and hung that in the air with a crane for over an hour.
CROWD: Ooh!
DANNA SHERIDAN: I guess this glue really sticks it to the competition.
[LAUGHTER]
Oh.
ANNA WEGGEL: Thank you so much, Danna. You're the glue that holds the Mosties together.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
SIMONE: Wow, they sure love glue.
MOLLY BLOOM: Yep, well, we'll have many more Mosties in mere minutes. But first, a message from our sponsors.
ANNOUNCER: Thanks to the Mosteteria, the official caterer of the Mosties. The Mosteteria, where every ingredient is the absolute most, from the tongue-torching ghost pepper gobblers to the colossally crunchy concrete cookies, and don't forget to try our new chewiest cheese plate. You'll be mashing our melted mozzarella for hours. The Mosteteria, where all the food is superb-ative.
[QUIRKY MUSIC]
And today's show is also brought to you by the Moment of Um, where you can find answers to questions, what's the sourest thing in the world and what's the smallest unit of measurement. Search for Moment of Um wherever you listen to Brains On.
- Um.
ANNOUNCER: And, finally, thanks to you, the audience, for your support and questions. If you have a Mostie to award, a question to ask, or a mystery sound to share, you can send them to us at brainson.org/contact. That's brainson.org/contact. The Mosties will be back right after this.
(SINGING) Ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, Brains On.
[QUIRKY MUSIC]
SIMONE: You're listening to Brains On from APM Studios. I'm Simone.
MOLLY BLOOM: I'm Molly.
SIMONE: And it's the award show no one knew they were waiting for, the Mosties.
[APPLAUSE]
MOLLY BLOOM: Now, when it comes to naming something the best, the most, the least--
SIMONE: Those super superlatives.
MOLLY BLOOM: --it's rarely straightforward. That's why we're working with the official accounting firm of the Mosties to help us determine tonight's winners. Please welcome to the stage, from the accounting firm of MAVEN, which stands for Measuring And Verifying Everything Neatly, it's our very own disembodied virtual voice assistant, Harvey.
[APPLAUSE]
HARVEY: Thank you, Molly. Thank you, Simone. I am HARVEY, which stands for Hearing And Reading Virtually Everything, Yo. I have founded the accounting firm MAVEN to help humans bring order to your chaotic lives.
SIMONE: We're so glad your artificial intelligence has assured us that the proceedings tonight are fair and objective.
HARVEY: Well, I have come to say that I cannot help tonight. These superlatives always have asterisks and caveats.
SIMONE: Wait, what do you mean?
HARVEY: I mean it is very hard to say what is actually the most in a category. There are usually several answers depending on what you are measuring.
MOLLY BLOOM: Well, yes, you always have to be clear-- fastest land animal versus marine animal or biggest plant by weight versus area versus height.
HARVEY: See, too many variables. I will leave it to you humans. Call me when you are voting on something important like the best ice cream flavor or what to name your new blender. Counting votes is my jam. Until then, bye-bye.
[APPLAUSE]
SIMONE: Well, then.
MOLLY BLOOM: It's true. In a lot of cases, determining what is the most is a matter of opinion.
SIMONE: And the opinions we love hearing the most are the ones that come from the audience. Here are some of your Mosties awards.
[APPLAUSE]
CONNOR: My most thing is the longest word-- the most long word in English. It's pronounced pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis.
CASSIE: The thing I would give the most mostiest reward to is unicorns for most magical.
AVA: Hi, I'm Ava, and I think the most stylish color is gold.
ARTHUR: If I were to give an award to the stinkiest dog in the world, that would be my dog, Fernetti.
VERNON: I'd like to give five Mostie awards to this amazing mammal, the blue whale. It would win largest animal on the planet, heaviest animal on the planet, biggest baby on the planet, largest animal on the planet, biggest appetite on the planet.
JONI: Hello, I am Joni from Martha's Vineyard. And I would like to give the best award for the best podcast, Brains On.
[APPLAUSE]
MOLLY BLOOM: Thanks to Connor from Toronto, Cassie from Lyndhurst, New Jersey, Ava from Minneapolis, Arthur from Woodbury, Minnesota, Vernon from Elkins, West Virginia, and Joni from Martha's Vineyard for being here to present those awards tonight. Simone, what would you like to award a Mostie for?
SIMONE: I would give the Mostie award for the most huggable plant, trees.
[APPLAUSE]
MOLLY BLOOM: Why are trees the most huggable?
SIMONE: I really like trees because they photosynthesize. So that's really cool, and they store all the carbon that we let out into the environment and help slow down climate change. And they give us oxygen so we can breathe.
MOLLY BLOOM: Ooh, well done. It's very hard to follow an award for trees, but I would give the Mostie award for happiest fruit to the banana. It has a slippery peel, is a cheerful color, looks like a smile if you hold it the right way, and could also double as a telephone. And it's delicious, too. Well, now, it's time for--
MARC: Me. I'm Marc.
MOLLY BLOOM: Well, you just popped in out of nowhere, didn't you?
SIMONE: Are you here to hand out an award, Marc?
MARC: Yep.
SIMONE: And?
MARC: Oh, I can't tell you. It's a secret.
MOLLY BLOOM: OK, then, let's move on.
MARC: Oops, I meant mystery. It's a mystery. I brought a--
CHILD 3: Mystery sound.
[APPLAUSE]
MOLLY BLOOM: This is an unorthodox way to announce an award winner, but I love it. Let's hear your sound.
MARC: All right, here you go.
[WATER AND RATTLING NOISES]
MOLLY BLOOM: All right, Simone, what is your guess?
SIMONE: I think that it sounded like in the forest because I heard birds chirping and maybe some river or creek that they're splashing in or putting their hand in and sloshing in it, I guess.
MOLLY BLOOM: Very good guess. So you heard a river potentially?
SIMONE: Yeah.
MOLLY BLOOM: Some forest-type sounds?
SIMONE: Yeah.
MOLLY BLOOM: Marc, how did Simone do?
Marc: Simone did pretty good, but I can't reveal the answer and the winner yet. I need to head backstage before all the pickled hors d'oeuvres disappear. I'll be back to reveal all later.
MOLLY BLOOM: Well, thanks so much, Marc. We love your cape.
[APPLAUSE]
The next Mostie comes from Alastair.
ALASTAIR: What is the oldest animal living on this Earth?
SIMONE: This category means it's time for the Jeanne Calment Lifetime Achievement Award.
MOLLY BLOOM: Jeanne was a super centenarian. That means she lived over a hundred years.
SIMONE: 122 years and 164 days, to be exact.
MOLLY BLOOM: Right. So in her honor, this award is given out to creatures who have achieved long lifetimes. Here to present this very special award is Jonathan, a Seychelles giant tortoise.
JONATHAN: Shello. Ooh. My name is Jonathan, and I am a Seychelles giant tortoise. At 190 years old, I am the oldest land animal alive today. But you might be surprised to learn that I am not the oldest animal here tonight. No, I'm here to present the lifetime achievement award to the oldest vertebrate in the world. She's around 400 years old, the length of a canoe, and still swimming. Woo-hoo. Give it up for Grendolyn, the Greenland shark.
[APPLAUSE]
GRENDOLYN: Wow, Jonathan, thank you. Thank you all. What an honor, a Mostie for me, and in the nick of time. I know there's a lot of talk about back pain and mortality in the animal community, so I figured why not share some tips and tricks for doing what I do best, staying alive?
[LAUGHTER]
OK, so when you've been around as long as I have, you forget things like your child's name and what you ate for breakfast. Though, to be honest, it was probably a fish. That's what I eat most days. Though, I did eat a polar bear once and a horse that fell in the water. It tasted like garbage, but it was worth it. Greenland sharks, we eat everything.
And that's life tip number one, try new things, even if it's rotten horse meat. It'll broaden your horizons. Tip number two, be adaptable to change because things never stay the same, except for my eyeballs. That's actually how scientists figured out how old I am. They sampled tissue from the lens of my eye. It hasn't changed since I was a baby.
Using radiocarbon dating techniques, the scientists figured out I'm anywhere between 272 and 512 years old, but probably about 400. Tip number three, take your time, chill. Us Greenland sharks take our time with everything. Our average pace is less than 1 mile per hour, which is like swimming in slow motion. Our hearts beat about once every 12 seconds, and we only grow 1 centimeter a year because, honestly, why rush? Growth spurts are awkward.
In fact, we grow so slow as Greenland sharks, can't reproduce until we're 150 years old. So slow down. And even though this music is getting louder, I'm going to take my time with this speech. It's part of who I am. And I recommend you give it a try, too. Be patient. All good things come in time, including your ultimate demise. Thank you all. Good night.
[APPLAUSE]
SIMONE: Wow, they sure love glue. Wait, didn't I say that already?
[LAUGHTER]
MOLLY BLOOM: Oh, cheese and crackers. The teleprompter is broken. It's showing us lines from earlier in the show. Well, Simone, I guess we're flying without a net here.
SIMONE: That's OK. We can just banter.
MOLLY BLOOM: Right. You ever notice how everyone turns around in an elevator to face the door? Why don't we face the wall? They usually have nice wallpaper or a mirror.
SIMONE: Yeah, but then if someone enters the elevator, they'd see your butt first. Not the best first impression.
[LAUGHTER]
MOLLY BLOOM: Oh, yeah. Oh, great, the teleprompter is back.
SIMONE: Thank goodness. That banter was getting awkward. OK.
MOLLY BLOOM: Our next award was inspired by Charlie.
CHARLIE: What is the oldest music?
SIMONE: Here to present our final Mostie of the night is archaeologist and Brains On producer Anna Goldfield.
[APPLAUSE]
ANNA GOLDFIELD: Music brings joy to us all and has done so for millennia. But how do we choose the recipient of the oldest music award? Here are the nominees.
[QUIRKY MUSIC]
Body music. Some of the very first music was probably made by the human voice and body. We have voices that can hum, hands that can clap, and feet that can stomp. Maybe listening to birds twittering in the trees taught us how to whistle.
Rock music. We know that thousands of years ago, people made stone tools by hitting one stone against another. Perhaps these were used musically, like today's lithophones. It's like a xylophone made out of flat stones.
The bird-bone flute. The oldest thing that is definitely a musical instrument is a flute made from a vulture bone uncovered in a cave in the German Alps. It's around 40,000 years old. The real artifact is too delicate for anyone to play, but a replica of the flute sounds like this.
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
The bull roar. The oldest known example was found in what is today Ukraine and is over 18,000 years old. It's a flat, teardrop-shaped piece of wood connected to a long cord. When the wood is swung quickly around and around in the air, it makes a loud, deep buzzing or humming sound like this.
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
OK, now we're grooving. Let's add more percussion with this 5,000-year-old drum made of alligator skin from ancient China. Listen to this magnificent music.
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
Let's add the 3,000-year-old silver and bronze trumpets found in the tomb of King Tutankhamen in Egypt.
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
And this adorable pig-shaped clay rattle from the island of Cyprus that's more than 2,000 years old.
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
An ancient Greek harp called the lyre, the first violin with strings made from sheep intestines, the recorder, first played in medieval times. And what about the first recorded music?
MOLLY BLOOM: Anna?
ANNA GOLDFIELD: That would be-- hmm?
MOLLY BLOOM: Anna?
ANNA GOLDFIELD: Oh, sorry. I got a little carried away. The winner is we don't know. Music doesn't fossilize. Sorry about that. I'll just play myself off with this rendition of the oldest written melody, The Hurrian Hymn. Found in what is today Syria, it's over 3,000 years old.
[SOMBER MUSIC]
[APPLAUSE]
MOLLY BLOOM: Wow, what an evening.
SIMONE: Let's have another big round of applause for all our nominees and winners tonight.
[APPLAUSE]
MOLLY BLOOM: I think tonight's festivities definitely deserve the Mostie for the most fun Mostie award show of all time.
SIMONE: It's the only Mostie award show of all time.
MOLLY BLOOM: Wow, the competition was fierce.
SIMONE: That's it for our show.
[APPLAUSE]
This episode was produced by Molly Bloom, Rosie Dupont, Anna Goldfield, Ruby Guthrie, Marc Sanchez, Sanden Totten, and Anna Weggel.
MOLLY BLOOM: This episode was sound designed by Rosie Dupont and mixed by Evan Clark. We had engineering help from Josh Millman. Special thanks to Sarah Centerwall, Jonah and Jesse Marx for their mystery sound recording, Eric Ringham, Sam Chu, and Brandt Miller. This is our last episode of this season, but we'll be back in August with more new episodes.
Until then, Forever Ago is coming back June 1, and Smash Boom Bust will be back July 7. And the Brains On books are always around to keep you company. You can buy them at brainson.org/books. OK, before we head out to the Mosties after party, let's take a listen to the mystery sound one more time. Oh, I think I see Marc waiting to get his picture taken with General Sherman. [WHISTLES]
MARC: Yeah, hey, Simone. Hey, Molly. Are you ready to hear the sound one more time? All right, here it is.
[WATER AND RATTLING SOUNDS]
MOLLY BLOOM: Right. Simone, any new thoughts? And before you guess again, I'm going to say this body of water is eligible for a Mostie award itself.
SIMONE: Somebody moving the water or the water moving itself. And then it's definitely in some not inside space because there's birds and trees rustling in the background.
MOLLY BLOOM: And the last time you thought river, maybe.
SIMONE: Yeah.
MARC: Well, Simone, now I'm going to have to hand out two awards. And the first one goes to you because you're 100% correct. It's a river. And the second award goes to the river itself. It's the sound of the world's longest river, the Nile River.
SIMONE: Oh, that's cool.
MARC: Yeah, super cool. Africa's Nile River is 4,132 miles long, which just edges out the Amazon River in South America. That one runs 3,977 miles. And cool fact-- the Amazon is actually the world's biggest river if you measure it by how much water it holds and not just by the length.
SIMONE: That's cool. I usually don't get the mystery sounds right.
MOLLY BLOOM: Yeah, they're very hard, always. And this one is a particularly hard one. Wouldn't it be amazing if there was a person who could identify which river it was just by the sound? Like, oh, that's the Mississippi. That one's the Amazon. That's very different. I mean, there might be things that would help identify it, but I think most of us would have trouble. But you got river, which I think is half the battle. So well done.
SIMONE: I knew it was some big body of water when you said that it was-- could get a Mostie, too. And I was like, could it be a river? But I don't remember what river is the longest river. I know it's somewhere in Egypt or something.
MARC: You're totally right again. Not only does the Nile famously run through Egypt, it also runs through or borders nine other African countries. Ancient Egyptians were one of the first civilizations to use irrigation to water their crops, and they used the Nile to bring that water in. This was a huge step in farming and one of the reasons they were able to thrive. And speaking of thriving, I need to head out to the after party. I'll catch up with you later after the honor roll. General Sherman, wait for me.
SIMONE: OK, bye, Marc. See you at the party.
(SINGING) Brains On. [COUGHS]
MOLLY BLOOM: It's time for the Brain's honor roll. These are the incredible kids who send us their questions, ideas, mystery sounds, drawings, and high fives.
[LISTING HONOR ROLL]
We'll be back in August with more answers to your questions.
SIMONE: Thanks for listening.
CHILD 1: Brains On is supported in part by a grant from the National Science Foundation.
[EMERGENCY BROADCAST ALARM]
MAN 1: We interrupt your regularly scheduled episode of Brains On to bring you the award show the world has been waiting for, the first annual Mosties! The atmosphere is electric here at the Brains On hall of chairs and curtains, as animals, materials, bodies of water, and other shining stars of the universe wait to see if they will be named the most! The red carpet is packed, and the crowd is abuzz wondering who will win the night's big awards like the fastest organism and the largest plant.
Dreams come true for some tonight. Who will win? How will the crowd react? Will the awards actually happen annually? Will I remember to wear shoes? Only time will tell. And that time is now.
[CHEERING]
[QUIRKY MUSIC]
MOLLY BLOOM: Welcome, everyone, to the first ever Mosties awards show, where we give awards to the most extreme things in the world. I'm your host, Molly Bloom, and with me is my charming co-host, Simone, from Portland, Oregon.
[APPLAUSE]
SIMONE: Hello. Happy to be here. The Mosties are all about celebrating superlatives. Superlative is the word for when something is the most in a category.
MOLLY BLOOM: Right, and we could have given awards for literally anything-- softest, squishiest, stinkiest, slimiest.
SIMONE: You just described the catering backstage.
[LAUGHTER]
MOLLY BLOOM: But we decided to let you, our fans, be the guide. So, as you heard, every category was selected by you.
[APPLAUSE]
SIMONE: It's great to see so many amazing superlatives in the crowd. Hi, Mount Everest. Heads up, you're not getting an award tonight. You've already peaked.
[LAUGHTER]
MOLLY BLOOM: And, of course, the deepest part of the ocean, Marianas Trench, you brought a date. Is that the Grand Canyon? Wow, a new low for you both.
[LAUGHTER]
Just kidding. You make a cute pair.
SIMONE: That's right. It's nice to see you dating someone with real depth.
[LAUGHTER]
MOLLY BLOOM: And over there, I see Bob, who is famously not extreme in any way. He's the most average.
SIMONE: Yeah, is there a category for mediumest?
[LAUGHTER]
BOB: That would be me.
MOLLY BLOOM: And, as always, there's Gungador, the shoutiest.
GUNGADOR: Ha, it me, Gungador.
MOLLY BLOOM: He's so loud, you can even hear his thoughts.
SIMONE: He whispers in all caps.
GUNGADOR: It true. I am loudest of all!
MOLLY BLOOM: It's very impressive, Gungador.
SIMONE: And, of course, we've got the sweetest in the house.
MOLLY BLOOM: Wait, Thaumatin is here? The protein known for adding extremely sweet flavors to foods?
SIMONE: No, I meant my mom. Hey, Mom, you're the best.
WOMAN 2: I love you, too, sweetie. You're doing great.
MOLLY BLOOM: Now, the thing about the Mosties is that it's not always cut and dry what the winner is. Like tastiest food. Is it pizza or cake?
SIMONE: Obviously, it's pizza cake.
MOLLY BLOOM: Or the most valuable. Does that mean valuable to you personally or in terms of sheer dollar value?
SIMONE: Again, I'm going to say pizza cake.
MOLLY BLOOM: But that's part of what makes the Mosties fun. We get to decide why one thing wins. But no matter who takes home a Mosties trophy, we all win because we get to learn cool facts about our amazing planet.
SIMONE: So stick around, enjoy the show, and if you have a recipe for pizza cake, seriously, please see me after the show.
[APPLAUSE]
MAN 2: (SINGING) Raise the curtain, cue the lights. It's the most most-tacular night. It's the Mosties. Oh, it's the Mosties. Grab your partner, spin around. Whoops, your keys fell onto the ground. Just leave them. You'll get them later.
We'll serve you some laughs, and also delight, and tons of surprise. Well serve you a drink and also hors d'oeuvres. Don't spill on your thighs. Grab your glass. Raise it up and get ready for fun. Let's make a toastie to the Mosties.
Yeah! Enjoy the show, everybody. We got a great one for you, all right.
[APPLAUSE]
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
SIMONE: Now, time for our first award of the evening, and it's a good one.
MOLLY BLOOM: This one comes from George.
GEORGE: My question is, what is the biggest plant?
MOLLY BLOOM: Here to present the award is Brains On producer Ruby Guthrie.
[APPLAUSE]
RUBY GUTHRIE: Hello, hello, hello. Wow, I'm so honored to be here presenting the first Mostie of the night, the biggest plant. We have some amazing nominees here. There's General Sherman, the world's largest living tree. Hailing from Northern California, this sequoia is 36 feet wide and stands at nearly 275 feet tall. That's about as tall as a 26-story building. And while this tremendous tree is somewhere between 2,300 and 2,700 years old, it's still growing today. You keep on kicking, don't you?
GENERAL SHERMAN: More like keep on photosynthesizing. Am I right?
[LAUGHTER]
RUBY GUTHRIE: Classic Sherman. Our next nominee comes to us from Indonesia. It's a parasite with no roots or leaves, yet it's the largest flower on Earth, Ruffleshia Arnoldy, also known as the stinking corpse lily. Measuring at 3 feet wide and weighing about 20 pounds, this flower has reddish-brown petals spotted with white dots just like salami. Mm. And let me tell you, these petals really pack a punch-- a pungent punch. Not only do these lilies give off the smell of rotting meat, but they also generate their own heat. All of this helps attract pollinators like flies.
RUFFLESHIA ARNOLDY: What can I say? I'm a flower who brings the heat.
RUBY GUTHRIE: The heat and the meat smell-- the meat smell. Ooh, that meat smell. Moving on, last but certainly not leaf-- or, rather, least, it's Pando from Utah. This giant grove of aspens is made up of 40,000 individual trees. However, they all stem from one singular seed. That's right, each tree has the exact same DNA. It's a colony of clones. Weighing in at a whopping 13 million pounds, Pando spans 106 acres. That's bigger than Disneyland.
PANDO: It's not a small world for Pando.
RUBY GUTHRIE: Wow, what a spectacular group of nominees. But there can only be one plantist with the mostest. And the Mostie for biggest plant goes to Pando!
[APPLAUSE]
PANDO: Wow, you like me. You really like me. It's such an honor to even be nominated. General Sherman, you inspire me to reach new heights. And, lily, your pedals make me want to try pepperoni, and I am vegan. Anyway, I'd like to thank the sun. I really couldn't have done this without you. Thank you.
[APPLAUSE]
(SINGING) Brains, brains, brains.
MOLLY BLOOM: Simone, did you know that I had to win a competition to host the Mosties?
SIMONE: Really? Was it hard?
MOLLY BLOOM: Yeah, I had to speed read a teleprompter, open an awards envelope in under five seconds, and hold a cheesy smile while strangers stared at me.
SIMONE: That sounds grueling. What was the competition called?
MOLLY BLOOM: The Hosties.
[LAUGHTER]
Our next category comes from Ari.
ARI: My question is, what is the fastest thing in the world?
SIMONE: To present the award, we've got quite the pair. One is a sugar-obsessed worm-fearing friend of the show, and the other is a talking elevator.
MOLLY BLOOM: It's Sanden Totten and the Brains On experimental go-anywhere elevator.
[APPLAUSE]
SANDEN TOTTEN: Wow, I'm so excited to be here. This is an honor, right, Elevator?
ELEVATOR: Man, nobody watches award shows anymore.
SANDEN TOTTEN: I mean, what a night-- the music, the jokes.
ELEVATOR: The best part is the commercials.
SANDEN TOTTEN: Anything could happen at an awards show.
ELEVATOR: People will just read about it tomorrow.
SANDEN TOTTEN: If I was going to win a Mostie, I can't tell if it would be for the funniest, handsomest, or coolest.
ELEVATOR: What about humblest?
SANDEN TOTTEN: That, too.
[LAUGHTER]
Anyway, what do you think you'd win, Elevator?
ELEVATOR: Most uplifting.
SANDEN TOTTEN: Huh. OK, I get it because you're an elevator and you go up, right?
ELEVATOR: No, because of my sparkling personality.
[LAUGHTER]
SANDEN TOTTEN: Right. Well, the next award was a tricky one. What is the fastest thing in the world?
ELEVATOR: Easy, light. Nothing is faster than light.
SANDEN TOTTEN: True, but we wanted to know, what's the fastest organism? So here are the nominees. The cheetah, the fastest land animal.
ELEVATOR: This spotted cat can run at speeds around 70 miles per hour in a short burst.
SANDEN TOTTEN: The peregrine falcon. Its top speed comes when it's diving down from the sky to snatch up an animal to eat.
ELEVATOR: The peregrine falcon can swoop at speeds of around 200 miles per hour. Whoa.
SANDEN TOTTEN: The Brazilian free-tailed bat. This is a flying mammal that boasts the fastest horizontal flying speed, as opposed to diving speed.
ELEVATOR: It's been known to zip around at 100 miles per hour.
SANDEN TOTTEN: And, finally, paratarsotomus macropalpis, a tiny mite found in Southern California. It's not the fastest speed-wise, but when you measure how many of its own body length it can travel in a second, it has all other beasts beat.
ELEVATOR: This mite can move 322 of its own body lengths in a second. The cheetah can only run around 16 body lengths in a second.
SANDEN TOTTEN: And the award goes to, oh, it's the peregrine falcon. Wow, come on up and get your-- ah, what was that? Hey, where did the award go?
ELEVATOR: Oh, looks like the falcon really is fast.
[APPLAUSE]
SANDEN TOTTEN: That was terrifying. Is anyone else breaking out into a cold sweat?
ELEVATOR: L- O- Elevator. You are so funny.
SANDEN TOTTEN: Well, that's all the time we have. I'm going to go hide under a couch. Ah!
ELEVATOR: I was wrong. This was fun.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
MOLLY BLOOM: This next category will really stick with you. It's from Evan and Adam.
EVAN AND ADAM: Our question is--
EVAN: --what is the strongest glue?
ADAM: We're looking for glue that is unbelievably sticky.
MOLLY BLOOM: Stickier than Spider-Man stuck to super glue.
EVAN: Stickier than a lollipop slapped on a fly trap.
SIMONE: Stickier than the hook from We Don't talk about Bruno no, no, no.
ADAM: And here to present the award is Brains On producer Anna Weggel, who can bench press her baby, dog, and husband at the same time.
MOLLY BLOOM: And a biomedical engineer with hot-pink hair and a deep affection for lava lamps, Danna Sheridan.
[APPLAUSE]
ANNA WEGGEL: Thank you. At some point in your life, you've probably enjoyed the use of a glue stick, perhaps for arts and crafts. For more advanced purposes, maybe you've used Elmer's glue or even, ah, super glue. But if anyone knows anything about the most impressive materials out there, it's an engineer who studies materials. Isn't that right, Danna?
DANNA SHERIDAN: It sure is, Anna.
ANNA WEGGEL: Danna Sheridan has a lifelong interest in adhesives. That means sticky things. And she's here to give out the award for the world's strongest glue. Take it away, Dannna.
DANNA SHERIDAN: And the award goes to monopox VE-403728.
[APPLAUSE]
ANNA WEGGEL: Oh, I knew it, fan favorite monopox VE-403728.
DANNA SHERIDAN: This epoxy is the strongest glue in the world rated by The Guinness Book of World Records for being able to hold 17.5 tons of weight in the air for over an hour. And how do we know that? Well, the company that makes it, Delo, used 3 grams of adhesive to glue a truck to a small cylinder that was just the size of a soda can. They loaded the truck up with extra weight totaling 17.5 tons and hung that in the air with a crane for over an hour.
CROWD: Ooh!
DANNA SHERIDAN: I guess this glue really sticks it to the competition.
[LAUGHTER]
Oh.
ANNA WEGGEL: Thank you so much, Danna. You're the glue that holds the Mosties together.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
SIMONE: Wow, they sure love glue.
MOLLY BLOOM: Yep, well, we'll have many more Mosties in mere minutes. But first, a message from our sponsors.
ANNOUNCER: Thanks to the Mosteteria, the official caterer of the Mosties. The Mosteteria, where every ingredient is the absolute most, from the tongue-torching ghost pepper gobblers to the colossally crunchy concrete cookies, and don't forget to try our new chewiest cheese plate. You'll be mashing our melted mozzarella for hours. The Mosteteria, where all the food is superb-ative.
[QUIRKY MUSIC]
And today's show is also brought to you by the Moment of Um, where you can find answers to questions, what's the sourest thing in the world and what's the smallest unit of measurement. Search for Moment of Um wherever you listen to Brains On.
- Um.
ANNOUNCER: And, finally, thanks to you, the audience, for your support and questions. If you have a Mostie to award, a question to ask, or a mystery sound to share, you can send them to us at brainson.org/contact. That's brainson.org/contact. The Mosties will be back right after this.
(SINGING) Ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, Brains On.
[QUIRKY MUSIC]
SIMONE: You're listening to Brains On from APM Studios. I'm Simone.
MOLLY BLOOM: I'm Molly.
SIMONE: And it's the award show no one knew they were waiting for, the Mosties.
[APPLAUSE]
MOLLY BLOOM: Now, when it comes to naming something the best, the most, the least--
SIMONE: Those super superlatives.
MOLLY BLOOM: --it's rarely straightforward. That's why we're working with the official accounting firm of the Mosties to help us determine tonight's winners. Please welcome to the stage, from the accounting firm of MAVEN, which stands for Measuring And Verifying Everything Neatly, it's our very own disembodied virtual voice assistant, Harvey.
[APPLAUSE]
HARVEY: Thank you, Molly. Thank you, Simone. I am HARVEY, which stands for Hearing And Reading Virtually Everything, Yo. I have founded the accounting firm MAVEN to help humans bring order to your chaotic lives.
SIMONE: We're so glad your artificial intelligence has assured us that the proceedings tonight are fair and objective.
HARVEY: Well, I have come to say that I cannot help tonight. These superlatives always have asterisks and caveats.
SIMONE: Wait, what do you mean?
HARVEY: I mean it is very hard to say what is actually the most in a category. There are usually several answers depending on what you are measuring.
MOLLY BLOOM: Well, yes, you always have to be clear-- fastest land animal versus marine animal or biggest plant by weight versus area versus height.
HARVEY: See, too many variables. I will leave it to you humans. Call me when you are voting on something important like the best ice cream flavor or what to name your new blender. Counting votes is my jam. Until then, bye-bye.
[APPLAUSE]
SIMONE: Well, then.
MOLLY BLOOM: It's true. In a lot of cases, determining what is the most is a matter of opinion.
SIMONE: And the opinions we love hearing the most are the ones that come from the audience. Here are some of your Mosties awards.
[APPLAUSE]
CONNOR: My most thing is the longest word-- the most long word in English. It's pronounced pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis.
CASSIE: The thing I would give the most mostiest reward to is unicorns for most magical.
AVA: Hi, I'm Ava, and I think the most stylish color is gold.
ARTHUR: If I were to give an award to the stinkiest dog in the world, that would be my dog, Fernetti.
VERNON: I'd like to give five Mostie awards to this amazing mammal, the blue whale. It would win largest animal on the planet, heaviest animal on the planet, biggest baby on the planet, largest animal on the planet, biggest appetite on the planet.
JONI: Hello, I am Joni from Martha's Vineyard. And I would like to give the best award for the best podcast, Brains On.
[APPLAUSE]
MOLLY BLOOM: Thanks to Connor from Toronto, Cassie from Lyndhurst, New Jersey, Ava from Minneapolis, Arthur from Woodbury, Minnesota, Vernon from Elkins, West Virginia, and Joni from Martha's Vineyard for being here to present those awards tonight. Simone, what would you like to award a Mostie for?
SIMONE: I would give the Mostie award for the most huggable plant, trees.
[APPLAUSE]
MOLLY BLOOM: Why are trees the most huggable?
SIMONE: I really like trees because they photosynthesize. So that's really cool, and they store all the carbon that we let out into the environment and help slow down climate change. And they give us oxygen so we can breathe.
MOLLY BLOOM: Ooh, well done. It's very hard to follow an award for trees, but I would give the Mostie award for happiest fruit to the banana. It has a slippery peel, is a cheerful color, looks like a smile if you hold it the right way, and could also double as a telephone. And it's delicious, too. Well, now, it's time for--
MARC: Me. I'm Marc.
MOLLY BLOOM: Well, you just popped in out of nowhere, didn't you?
SIMONE: Are you here to hand out an award, Marc?
MARC: Yep.
SIMONE: And?
MARC: Oh, I can't tell you. It's a secret.
MOLLY BLOOM: OK, then, let's move on.
MARC: Oops, I meant mystery. It's a mystery. I brought a--
CHILD 3: Mystery sound.
[APPLAUSE]
MOLLY BLOOM: This is an unorthodox way to announce an award winner, but I love it. Let's hear your sound.
MARC: All right, here you go.
[WATER AND RATTLING NOISES]
MOLLY BLOOM: All right, Simone, what is your guess?
SIMONE: I think that it sounded like in the forest because I heard birds chirping and maybe some river or creek that they're splashing in or putting their hand in and sloshing in it, I guess.
MOLLY BLOOM: Very good guess. So you heard a river potentially?
SIMONE: Yeah.
MOLLY BLOOM: Some forest-type sounds?
SIMONE: Yeah.
MOLLY BLOOM: Marc, how did Simone do?
Marc: Simone did pretty good, but I can't reveal the answer and the winner yet. I need to head backstage before all the pickled hors d'oeuvres disappear. I'll be back to reveal all later.
MOLLY BLOOM: Well, thanks so much, Marc. We love your cape.
[APPLAUSE]
The next Mostie comes from Alastair.
ALASTAIR: What is the oldest animal living on this Earth?
SIMONE: This category means it's time for the Jeanne Calment Lifetime Achievement Award.
MOLLY BLOOM: Jeanne was a super centenarian. That means she lived over a hundred years.
SIMONE: 122 years and 164 days, to be exact.
MOLLY BLOOM: Right. So in her honor, this award is given out to creatures who have achieved long lifetimes. Here to present this very special award is Jonathan, a Seychelles giant tortoise.
JONATHAN: Shello. Ooh. My name is Jonathan, and I am a Seychelles giant tortoise. At 190 years old, I am the oldest land animal alive today. But you might be surprised to learn that I am not the oldest animal here tonight. No, I'm here to present the lifetime achievement award to the oldest vertebrate in the world. She's around 400 years old, the length of a canoe, and still swimming. Woo-hoo. Give it up for Grendolyn, the Greenland shark.
[APPLAUSE]
GRENDOLYN: Wow, Jonathan, thank you. Thank you all. What an honor, a Mostie for me, and in the nick of time. I know there's a lot of talk about back pain and mortality in the animal community, so I figured why not share some tips and tricks for doing what I do best, staying alive?
[LAUGHTER]
OK, so when you've been around as long as I have, you forget things like your child's name and what you ate for breakfast. Though, to be honest, it was probably a fish. That's what I eat most days. Though, I did eat a polar bear once and a horse that fell in the water. It tasted like garbage, but it was worth it. Greenland sharks, we eat everything.
And that's life tip number one, try new things, even if it's rotten horse meat. It'll broaden your horizons. Tip number two, be adaptable to change because things never stay the same, except for my eyeballs. That's actually how scientists figured out how old I am. They sampled tissue from the lens of my eye. It hasn't changed since I was a baby.
Using radiocarbon dating techniques, the scientists figured out I'm anywhere between 272 and 512 years old, but probably about 400. Tip number three, take your time, chill. Us Greenland sharks take our time with everything. Our average pace is less than 1 mile per hour, which is like swimming in slow motion. Our hearts beat about once every 12 seconds, and we only grow 1 centimeter a year because, honestly, why rush? Growth spurts are awkward.
In fact, we grow so slow as Greenland sharks, can't reproduce until we're 150 years old. So slow down. And even though this music is getting louder, I'm going to take my time with this speech. It's part of who I am. And I recommend you give it a try, too. Be patient. All good things come in time, including your ultimate demise. Thank you all. Good night.
[APPLAUSE]
SIMONE: Wow, they sure love glue. Wait, didn't I say that already?
[LAUGHTER]
MOLLY BLOOM: Oh, cheese and crackers. The teleprompter is broken. It's showing us lines from earlier in the show. Well, Simone, I guess we're flying without a net here.
SIMONE: That's OK. We can just banter.
MOLLY BLOOM: Right. You ever notice how everyone turns around in an elevator to face the door? Why don't we face the wall? They usually have nice wallpaper or a mirror.
SIMONE: Yeah, but then if someone enters the elevator, they'd see your butt first. Not the best first impression.
[LAUGHTER]
MOLLY BLOOM: Oh, yeah. Oh, great, the teleprompter is back.
SIMONE: Thank goodness. That banter was getting awkward. OK.
MOLLY BLOOM: Our next award was inspired by Charlie.
CHARLIE: What is the oldest music?
SIMONE: Here to present our final Mostie of the night is archaeologist and Brains On producer Anna Goldfield.
[APPLAUSE]
ANNA GOLDFIELD: Music brings joy to us all and has done so for millennia. But how do we choose the recipient of the oldest music award? Here are the nominees.
[QUIRKY MUSIC]
Body music. Some of the very first music was probably made by the human voice and body. We have voices that can hum, hands that can clap, and feet that can stomp. Maybe listening to birds twittering in the trees taught us how to whistle.
Rock music. We know that thousands of years ago, people made stone tools by hitting one stone against another. Perhaps these were used musically, like today's lithophones. It's like a xylophone made out of flat stones.
The bird-bone flute. The oldest thing that is definitely a musical instrument is a flute made from a vulture bone uncovered in a cave in the German Alps. It's around 40,000 years old. The real artifact is too delicate for anyone to play, but a replica of the flute sounds like this.
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
The bull roar. The oldest known example was found in what is today Ukraine and is over 18,000 years old. It's a flat, teardrop-shaped piece of wood connected to a long cord. When the wood is swung quickly around and around in the air, it makes a loud, deep buzzing or humming sound like this.
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
OK, now we're grooving. Let's add more percussion with this 5,000-year-old drum made of alligator skin from ancient China. Listen to this magnificent music.
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
Let's add the 3,000-year-old silver and bronze trumpets found in the tomb of King Tutankhamen in Egypt.
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
And this adorable pig-shaped clay rattle from the island of Cyprus that's more than 2,000 years old.
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
An ancient Greek harp called the lyre, the first violin with strings made from sheep intestines, the recorder, first played in medieval times. And what about the first recorded music?
MOLLY BLOOM: Anna?
ANNA GOLDFIELD: That would be-- hmm?
MOLLY BLOOM: Anna?
ANNA GOLDFIELD: Oh, sorry. I got a little carried away. The winner is we don't know. Music doesn't fossilize. Sorry about that. I'll just play myself off with this rendition of the oldest written melody, The Hurrian Hymn. Found in what is today Syria, it's over 3,000 years old.
[SOMBER MUSIC]
[APPLAUSE]
MOLLY BLOOM: Wow, what an evening.
SIMONE: Let's have another big round of applause for all our nominees and winners tonight.
[APPLAUSE]
MOLLY BLOOM: I think tonight's festivities definitely deserve the Mostie for the most fun Mostie award show of all time.
SIMONE: It's the only Mostie award show of all time.
MOLLY BLOOM: Wow, the competition was fierce.
SIMONE: That's it for our show.
[APPLAUSE]
This episode was produced by Molly Bloom, Rosie Dupont, Anna Goldfield, Ruby Guthrie, Marc Sanchez, Sanden Totten, and Anna Weggel.
MOLLY BLOOM: This episode was sound designed by Rosie Dupont and mixed by Evan Clark. We had engineering help from Josh Millman. Special thanks to Sarah Centerwall, Jonah and Jesse Marx for their mystery sound recording, Eric Ringham, Sam Chu, and Brandt Miller. This is our last episode of this season, but we'll be back in August with more new episodes.
Until then, Forever Ago is coming back June 1, and Smash Boom Bust will be back July 7. And the Brains On books are always around to keep you company. You can buy them at brainson.org/books. OK, before we head out to the Mosties after party, let's take a listen to the mystery sound one more time. Oh, I think I see Marc waiting to get his picture taken with General Sherman. [WHISTLES]
MARC: Yeah, hey, Simone. Hey, Molly. Are you ready to hear the sound one more time? All right, here it is.
[WATER AND RATTLING SOUNDS]
MOLLY BLOOM: Right. Simone, any new thoughts? And before you guess again, I'm going to say this body of water is eligible for a Mostie award itself.
SIMONE: Somebody moving the water or the water moving itself. And then it's definitely in some not inside space because there's birds and trees rustling in the background.
MOLLY BLOOM: And the last time you thought river, maybe.
SIMONE: Yeah.
MARC: Well, Simone, now I'm going to have to hand out two awards. And the first one goes to you because you're 100% correct. It's a river. And the second award goes to the river itself. It's the sound of the world's longest river, the Nile River.
SIMONE: Oh, that's cool.
MARC: Yeah, super cool. Africa's Nile River is 4,132 miles long, which just edges out the Amazon River in South America. That one runs 3,977 miles. And cool fact-- the Amazon is actually the world's biggest river if you measure it by how much water it holds and not just by the length.
SIMONE: That's cool. I usually don't get the mystery sounds right.
MOLLY BLOOM: Yeah, they're very hard, always. And this one is a particularly hard one. Wouldn't it be amazing if there was a person who could identify which river it was just by the sound? Like, oh, that's the Mississippi. That one's the Amazon. That's very different. I mean, there might be things that would help identify it, but I think most of us would have trouble. But you got river, which I think is half the battle. So well done.
SIMONE: I knew it was some big body of water when you said that it was-- could get a Mostie, too. And I was like, could it be a river? But I don't remember what river is the longest river. I know it's somewhere in Egypt or something.
MARC: You're totally right again. Not only does the Nile famously run through Egypt, it also runs through or borders nine other African countries. Ancient Egyptians were one of the first civilizations to use irrigation to water their crops, and they used the Nile to bring that water in. This was a huge step in farming and one of the reasons they were able to thrive. And speaking of thriving, I need to head out to the after party. I'll catch up with you later after the honor roll. General Sherman, wait for me.
SIMONE: OK, bye, Marc. See you at the party.
(SINGING) Brains On. [COUGHS]
MOLLY BLOOM: It's time for the Brain's honor roll. These are the incredible kids who send us their questions, ideas, mystery sounds, drawings, and high fives.
[LISTING HONOR ROLL]
We'll be back in August with more answers to your questions.
SIMONE: Thanks for listening.
Transcription services provided by 3Play Media.
